I think you need to leave that decision to him. For whatever reason, he doesn't want to share his health with them. 

Are they as monetary as their mother? Maybe he believes any concern they might show is false  and they're looking at what they'll reap instead of caring that their father is ill. 

Prayers that your DH's cancer can be treated successfully. 
 

This is his decision. I wouldn't even tell them should he be terminal. These angry types who feel "owed" always make trouble when someone passes. Yes, as Surviving said, get that will locked down like Fort Knox. I may sound cold, but I have learned the hard way that any decency or compassion for the skids in these situations comes back and smacks us in the face. 

Good wishes for a full recovery! Hugs to you. 

Last edited by MorningMia (2/16/2026 11:07 am)

Estate attorney time. Get your Wills done.  Medical and durable POAs.  I know that it is a tough conversation to have, but make sure he knows how critical it is that you and the marital resources are protected in the event that he is terminal.

I pray that ultimately this activity will not have been needed for a very long time and that this disease is something that the two of you successfully tackle together.

Take care of you.  You need to make sure to do that in order for him to take care of himself through all of this.  Your strength will be critical for him to heal.

Merry wrote:

I was 100% clear about nothing of mine going to DH’s brood. Had that discussion with the estate attorney while DH was in the room. It’s all locked down.

Most likely DH will depart this mortal plain before I do. If I can get a social worker to tell his kids, that’s what I’ll do. They hurt me, sure, but hurting their father is unforgivable and I have no desire or energy to be fake nice to them or include them in any decisions.

They’ll hate me no matter what anyway.

At some level an equity life partnership is an exercise in "us against the world".  Only those who earn it with quality and reasonable behavior have a place or access to that partnership.  Regardless of who they may be.

IMHO of course.
 

First off, I am hoping and praying that your DH's condition can be successfully treated and am sorry you are going through this. 
Also chiming in on Definitely agreeing with getting the ducks in a row, at least the will/POA sorted asap, and is advice that I need to follow myself, since I have already decided some time ago that not one red cent is going to SD31 and her minions, who I know cant or will never be trusted. . There as a time when I felt generous enough to consider the opposite, but that offer has since been retracted. SInce I've learned that showing one little crumb of compassion to SD is just asking for trouble, since she will use that , as  well as to her advantage, especially when she expects me to be so vulnerable that I'd let my guard down, which wouldn't be the first time. 
Also especially if your skid ( like mine) is amongst  "those angry types who feel owed, and make trouble when someone passes: as Morning Mia put it. I can only speak for my state law that lays out that stepchildren do not automatically inherit from stepparents, unless I specifically designate to the skids or have legally adopted them ( that was never in the cards!) In short, for my will, from what I gathered, I simply  just dont name SD or the step grand-brats in the will, just leave them out 
I also have lost any desire ( even out of the goodness of my heart) to allow SD31 to try to guilt or pressure or bully me into including her into such decisions. 
However, I and us SPs know we are dealing with these entitled types who will most likely refuse to accept legal terms as an answer and cant trust them not to contest the will anyway. Especially knowing ( and having solid proof) on how SD reacted so angrily because she cant NO for an answer  over other reasons,  and how desperate she has been for money and how low she has sunk to get it, even working outside the law,with little remorse so I have very little faith that she wont want to accept those terms of my will.in which it will be layed out that I owe her nothing and that is what she will receive, NOTHING  , and cant see her letting that slide. or taking that too well. These types never do in the end, since we know how these situations can bring out the worst in people, especially when dealing with someone who cant regulate their emotions and is unstable anyhow. 
Hence why getting all this sorted and locked airtight is crucial