MorningMia wrote:

Although DH paid for the place to stay (he'll be fine & comfortable there alone), has arranged for a rental car that I was nervous SS would drive, and was most likely going to pay for all the food, SS "Poopsie" is not going, after all, "because of airfare." He told DH that the tickets were hovering around $900. You know I looked it up. Most fares are around $500 RT, which isn't a bad deal for what would otherwise be an(other) all-expenses-paid vacation. I'm assuming SS was hoping DH would spring for the airfare, too. Either that and/or he doesn't want to upset his mommy. This is a guy (SS) in his late 30s. He has a job now and he's making good money. Am I telling DH about the lower airfares? Hell no! 

Now I don't have to worry about DH making two 4-hour round trips to the airport at his destination to pick up and drop off the big baby. I don't have to worry about uninsured SS (because he doesn't have a car--that would be too adult of a thing to have) using the rental car, getting speeding tickets, or worse. Whew! Things worked themselves out. 

This is a great use of the concept of TMI and that knowledge is power.  There is no need to feed info that if known might result in an outcome that you do not want to happen.  If DH and Poopsie are not willing to perform the due diligence to inform themselves, then tuff .  

Odds are that Poopsie knows full well what the RT airfare is and is fishing for access to daddy's wallet.  In this case, loose lips sink ships, so to speak.  So, let their ignorance level stand where it is.

I hope that DH's visit with his sister is a good one and drama free now that it is likely that Poopsie will stay within sniffing distance of his manipulative mommy's backside.
 

ImperfectlyPerfect wrote:

I've had this happen @MorningMia with my version of Poopsie. Totally rendered helpless, abandoned needing DH to step in - well for his wallet to step in. These are big boys too- with big boy jobs, large in physical size adult males who seem to make ALL adult decisions but when it comes to prying open their wallets they wait to see if good ole' dad will open his. Case in point - paid for all food, accommodations, flights you name it and adult SKID contributed nothing all weekend. He made one weak attempt at the last dinner to claim he would purchase beverages for 3 people and...when push came to shove he never did it and quietly let good old stepmom put her credit card down. Can you imagine a grown adult male exclaiming "I'll take care of the drinks!" and then never doing it and watching as the stepmom has to open her purse. I could have said something but I wanted it to be known how pathetic this was- just watched the SKID the entire time and thought "Huh, this is the last of it dude, enjoy." 

This dynamic is so foreign to my family background and for the most part, except for my SIL, is even foreign to my IL clan's background.

When we are together with my parents or the three couples (DW and me, bro and SIL, and mom & dad) it is a dive between me, bro, and dad to get our wallets out.  After far too long a history of that we finally agreed that all three CCs go on top of the bill and it is split equally.  Of course it is not always a number evenly divisible by two or three (depending on if all three couples are together or only two couples are together) so whoever gets the extra complains incessently about getting ripped off. It is a running banter/joke every time we go out together.

When we are with the IL clan, everyone tends to pay for their family faction's part of the bill.  Though DW and I will make sure that MIL and Aunt's order is on our part of the bill when it is paid.  Except for SIL.  When she starts pouting as the end of the meal approaches it is the tell that she will do her pouty pressure campaign for someone to get her family factions share.  Nope.  We stopped that crap.  So much so that on a family camping trip when we all went to a fee entry Red Wood trail location and she had no money.  Everyone went in and left her and her family sitting outside until we were done a few hours later.  Then we went across the road to a restaurant. Same thing.  They all drank water and ate the complimentary continuously refilled breadbasket while everyone else had a meal.   The same crap all week.  We did not coordinate refusal to pay for SIL's share. Everyone just organically had reached their limit for her/their pouty crap. If she had just asked like an adult, they would have been covered. But her pouty woe is me sighs, slouching, and occasional sniffle just irked everyone.  As the trip progressed, she and her family would move further and further away from everyone else when we stopped for fee-based activities or meals.  They ate, the just did not eat at restaurants.  If there was outdoor seating, they would join and eat food they had prepared and brought with them.

At some point, enough is enough and "adults" have to adult and not try to coattail on someone else's credit card.

IMHO of course.
 

Last edited by Rags (2/07/2026 3:42 am)

MorningMia wrote:

ImperfectlyPerfect wrote:

I've had this happen @MorningMia with my version of Poopsie. Totally rendered helpless, abandoned needing DH to step in - well for his wallet to step in. These are big boys too- with big boy jobs, large in physical size adult males who seem to make ALL adult decisions but when it comes to prying open their wallets they wait to see if good ole' dad will open his. Case in point - paid for all food, accommodations, flights you name it and adult SKID contributed nothing all weekend. He made one weak attempt at the last dinner to claim he would purchase beverages for 3 people and...when push came to shove he never did it and quietly let good old stepmom put her credit card down. Can you imagine a grown adult male exclaiming "I'll take care of the drinks!" and then never doing it and watching as the stepmom has to open her purse. I could have said something but I wanted it to be known how pathetic this was- just watched the SKID the entire time and thought "Huh, this is the last of it dude, enjoy." 

Oh yes. DH has taken Poopsie on 2 - 3 vacations since Poopsie reached adulthood. DH tells me Poopsie (I'm laughing writing this name) "is stingy." P. never contributes. Worse, P. has ignored DH while on these all-inclusive DH-paid vacations. . . literally left for hours doing. . . something, seeming "distracted." 

I may have mentioned that when DH had his health crisis in late 2023, Poopsie came here  "to help" for way too long. In reality, I soon realized, P came here because he was unemployed and needed to mooch off of someone other than his mother. It was such a disaster. DH was giving P his credit card to go grocery shopping (which would seem normal under the circumstances) and that was taken advantage of. I've mentioned that P got speeding tickets (via cameras) in DH's car that we learned about after he was gone. And was trying to sneak in the gym with DH's gym ID, then would get snarky when confronted by gym personnel. But one memorable thing was Poopsie told me one day when DH was in the hospital, "Mom sent me a card so that we can go out to dinner." I thought: Wow! An act of kindness. (I am so naive!)  And in my exhaustion (I was working a lot...long story), I was practically salivating over the idea of going out to dinner. I needed that hour of food (me not cooking for once after working all day and going to the hospital) and relaxation. But it never came. The routine continued: P. was here in the house all day or at the hospital, I was at work, I or we would travel an hour to the hospital and back, and P. refused to prepare a meal.  

DH gets out of the hospital and P. pretends he wants to buy DH a meal (it was the BM gift card--he didn't say that). Yes, I went along. And the card didn't cover the whole cost of the meal, so DH ended up paying the remainder of the bill. It was such a crappy thing to do. P. just shouldn't have said anything to me--but then again, I finally had to admit that he isn't just rude--he is purposely mean. He once came to our home (everything paid for, of course), went out and bought some ice cream treats (first time I recall he ever bought anything) and actually said to me, "Sorry, Mia, there's not one for you." A grown-a adult said that!!!

The Grand Gesture is a common action of self-delusion for these types. They try to cover the stench of their behavioral odiferous emanations with the grand gesture then when called on it play the pouting butt hurt "Whaaaaaat? I forgot!" card.  I suggest just paying your and DH's part of the bill and leaving the manipulative kidult to figure out their part of the bill.  If it takes too long, text them to Uber because you are not waiting.
Not with a Skidult, but we not infrequently played this card with the SpermClan when they would steal SS's visitation travel cash.  For a number of years his money would be taken as soon as he landed in SpermLand. It was usually used to fill SpermClan gas tanks, buy SpermGrandHag and the 4 Spermidiot spawned GKs lunch, groceries, etc...  So, we stopped sending him with cash and gave him a debit card tied to a zero-balance checking account.  DW would transfer money in  if SS needed it for travel related expenses, and out to keep the Hag's Harpy claws off of his money.  On a number of occasions the Hag would force SS to call my DW so she could rage about being stuck at a restaurant or a gas station having to wait for SpermGrandPa to come bail her out so she and the kids could leave.

Yawn, not our idiocy, not our problem.  All of these experiences were learning moments for SS that eventually latched in his brain and built his personal experience-based opinion of the whole situation and the shallow and polluted end of his gene pool.
 

Rags wrote:

ImperfectlyPerfect wrote:

I've had this happen @MorningMia with my version of Poopsie. Totally rendered helpless, abandoned needing DH to step in - well for his wallet to step in. These are big boys too- with big boy jobs, large in physical size adult males who seem to make ALL adult decisions but when it comes to prying open their wallets they wait to see if good ole' dad will open his. Case in point - paid for all food, accommodations, flights you name it and adult SKID contributed nothing all weekend. He made one weak attempt at the last dinner to claim he would purchase beverages for 3 people and...when push came to shove he never did it and quietly let good old stepmom put her credit card down. Can you imagine a grown adult male exclaiming "I'll take care of the drinks!" and then never doing it and watching as the stepmom has to open her purse. I could have said something but I wanted it to be known how pathetic this was- just watched the SKID the entire time and thought "Huh, this is the last of it dude, enjoy." 

This dynamic is so foreign to my family background and for the most part, except for my SIL, is even foreign to my IL clan's background.

When we are together with my parents or the three couples (DW and me, bro and SIL, and mom & dad) it is a dive between me, bro, and dad to get our wallets out.  After far too long a history of that we finally agreed that all three CCs go on top of the bill and it is split equally.  Of course it is not always a number evenly divisible by two or three (depending on if all three couples are together or only two couples are together) so whoever gets the extra complains incessently about getting ripped off. It is a running banter/joke every time we go out together.

When we are with the IL clan, everyone tends to pay for their family faction's part of the bill.  Though DW and I will make sure that MIL and Aunt's order is on our part of the bill when it is paid.  Except for SIL.  When she starts pouting as the end of the meal approaches it is the tell that she will do her pouty pressure campaign for someone to get her family factions share.  Nope.  We stopped that crap.  So much so that on a family camping trip when we all went to a fee entry Red Wood trail location and she had no money.  Everyone went in and left her and her family sitting outside until we were done a few hours later.  Then we went across the road to a restaurant. Same thing.  They all drank water and ate the complimentary continuously refilled breadbasket while everyone else had a meal.   The same crap all week.  We did not coordinate refusal to pay for SIL's share. Everyone just organically had reached their limit for her/their pouty crap. If she had just asked like an adult, they would have been covered. But her pouty woe is me sighs, slouching, and occasional sniffle just irked everyone.  As the trip progressed, she and her family would move further and further away from everyone else when we stopped for fee-based activities or meals.  They ate, the just did not eat at restaurants.  If there was outdoor seating, they would join and eat food they had prepared and brought with them.

At some point, enough is enough and "adults" have to adult and not try to coattail on someone else's credit card.

IMHO of course.
 

@Rags I am glad it is foreign to your family of origin unfortunately I've become accustom to stingy SKIDs who give me dog bowls for Christmas (if that), don't lift a finger or when offering to do something never follow through. No need to correct these bad behaviors because they are adults - this is who they are and there is nothing I am going to do to change a thing except disengage my mind and my wallet. 

ImperfectlyPerfect wrote:

MorningMia wrote:

ImperfectlyPerfect wrote:

I've had this happen @MorningMia with my version of Poopsie. Totally rendered helpless, abandoned needing DH to step in - well for his wallet to step in. These are big boys too- with big boy jobs, large in physical size adult males who seem to make ALL adult decisions but when it comes to prying open their wallets they wait to see if good ole' dad will open his. Case in point - paid for all food, accommodations, flights you name it and adult SKID contributed nothing all weekend. He made one weak attempt at the last dinner to claim he would purchase beverages for 3 people and...when push came to shove he never did it and quietly let good old stepmom put her credit card down. Can you imagine a grown adult male exclaiming "I'll take care of the drinks!" and then never doing it and watching as the stepmom has to open her purse. I could have said something but I wanted it to be known how pathetic this was- just watched the SKID the entire time and thought "Huh, this is the last of it dude, enjoy." 

Oh yes. DH has taken Poopsie on 2 - 3 vacations since Poopsie reached adulthood. DH tells me Poopsie (I'm laughing writing this name) "is stingy." P. never contributes. Worse, P. has ignored DH while on these all-inclusive DH-paid vacations. . . literally left for hours doing. . . something, seeming "distracted." 

I may have mentioned that when DH had his health crisis in late 2023, Poopsie came here  "to help" for way too long. In reality, I soon realized, P came here because he was unemployed and needed to mooch off of someone other than his mother. It was such a disaster. DH was giving P his credit card to go grocery shopping (which would seem normal under the circumstances) and that was taken advantage of. I've mentioned that P got speeding tickets (via cameras) in DH's car that we learned about after he was gone. And was trying to sneak in the gym with DH's gym ID, then would get snarky when confronted by gym personnel. But one memorable thing was Poopsie told me one day when DH was in the hospital, "Mom sent me a card so that we can go out to dinner." I thought: Wow! An act of kindness. (I am so naive!)  And in my exhaustion (I was working a lot...long story), I was practically salivating over the idea of going out to dinner. I needed that hour of food (me not cooking for once after working all day and going to the hospital) and relaxation. But it never came. The routine continued: P. was here in the house all day or at the hospital, I was at work, I or we would travel an hour to the hospital and back, and P. refused to prepare a meal.  

DH gets out of the hospital and P. pretends he wants to buy DH a meal (it was the BM gift card--he didn't say that). Yes, I went along. And the card didn't cover the whole cost of the meal, so DH ended up paying the remainder of the bill. It was such a crappy thing to do. P. just shouldn't have said anything to me--but then again, I finally had to admit that he isn't just rude--he is purposely mean. He once came to our home (everything paid for, of course), went out and bought some ice cream treats (first time I recall he ever bought anything) and actually said to me, "Sorry, Mia, there's not one for you." A grown-a adult said that!!!

Yuck - your examples I can relate to and they are horrid @MorningMia. Yes to P not paying the remainder and having poor old DH who just got out of the hospital slap the rest down. It's so gross. It's as gross as me paying the portion of adult SS claiming to put down for 3 drinks. However I stand corrected it wasn't just a weekend- he was with us for a full week never contributing a thing except for that hollow offer that I ended up covering. 

Re: ice cream treats- also relatable. One time other SKID lived with us and broke every promise that was made. Rent free, eating out of our cupboards and collecting unemployment - one long work day  (for me as he laid around on the couch) SKID comes in the door happily holding take out for himself - shows me what he bought himself and then merrily eats it right in front of me while I am still working. The adult grown a** man only thought about him and himself and then after asked me if I would be willing to give him gas money. I was like "Ummmm no. Get a job. The only thing I am going to do after work is find food for your dad and I." He blinked not even understanding how stupidly selfish the entire interaction was. 
 

You know how they say "brothers from another mother." We need a term like that in here for we SMs who seem to have the exact same experiences. It is incredible! I'm taking suggestions! 
 

Mia - "You know how they say brothers from another mother." We need a term like that in here for we SMs who seem to have the exact same experiences. It is incredible! I'm taking suggestions!  "

Hmmmm? 

SMwins - StepMom Twins

PVFFs.  - Parallel Victims of Failed Families.

SSVs -  Similar Spawn Victims.

Victims of another tragic coupling.

I can't come up with something playful.  Maybe someone else can.

Rags wrote:

Mia - "You know how they say brothers from another mother." We need a term like that in here for we SMs who seem to have the exact same experiences. It is incredible! I'm taking suggestions!  "

Hmmmm? 

SMwins - StepMom Twins

PVFFs.  - Parallel Victims of Failed Families.

SSVs -  Similar Spawn Victims.

Victims of another tragic coupling.

I can't come up with something playful.  Maybe someone else can.

@Rags my vote is for SSVs