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- MorningMia
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Like Meera, I'm staying out of it (but it's hard)
Because of bad weather and crazy schedules, we missed a visit with DH's sister during the holidays when she was in the area visiting her daughter. As I've mentioned, DH has been somewhat down in the dumps and just not feeling well. Brilliant me suggested he go visit his sister (in a sunnier, warmer climate) now that we're in the dead of winter. I need to be here and work.
So, DH starts planning a trip to see his sister. Although she would be happy to have him at her home, he rents this gorgeous remote Airbnb 2+ hours from the airport. Then he talks with SS and tells him he's going. Suddenly, who's in on the trip? In reality, it's not bad for DH to have someone staying with him--SS or not. What I don't like (and I must disengage from) is that SS is now pulling his usual BS, of course.
The plan was they would arrive at the airport and leave from that airport the same days so that DH doesn't have to make 4+ hour round trips to pick up and drop off SS. But now SS says he can only be there for a few days and their flights aren't going to jibe. Noooooo, you don't ask SS to ever pay for a ride. SS also has a habit of "abandoning" DH on any trips they've taken together, so I'm sure it will be the same this time--only with SS borrowing the rental car because...nooooooo...you don't ask SS to rent a car himself. Last time he borrowed the hell out of DH's car here DH ended up with traffic cam tickets. (Do I suggest that DH to put SS on the rental car agreement as a driver, because I KNOW that is going to happen?)
I know also that DH will be paying for EVERYTHING (fine about the Airbnb--he'd pay for that, anyway), meaning all meals, etc. because SS is as stingy as they come. And Daddy apparently owes him.
This was supposed to be a decompression vacation for DH, not a "wait on your nearly 40 yo son" ordeal. But that has changed now. I wish I had never made the suggestion. I need to back off and disengage and let things happen as they will. And hope for the best.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
- Merry
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Re: Like Meera, I'm staying out of it (but it's hard)
It would be really hard for me to keep my mouth shut, and I’m not known for tact. But I think I would ask that SS be included as a driver on the rental. You know he’s going to drive it.
My DH would be jumping out of his skin to spend time with SS. Who would likely have a last-minute change that he HAD to make, so sorry.
Funny, how stepparents can predict the future.
- Rags
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Re: Like Meera, I'm staying out of it (but it's hard)
I would not put SS on the rental agreement and if he takes the car, call it in as stolen. 
Do the same if SS gets tickets while driving the stolen vehicle. Put them on the SKidult spawn.
If you can't listen, learn, & think, you will have to feel. - WLR
- Rags
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Re: Like Meera, I'm staying out of it (but it's hard)
Merry wrote:
It would be really hard for me to keep my mouth shut, and I’m not known for tact. But I think I would ask that SS be included as a driver on the rental. You know he’s going to drive it.
My DH would be jumping out of his skin to spend time with SS. Who would likely have a last-minute change that he HAD to make, so sorry.
Funny, how stepparents can predict the future.
Past behavior being the best predictor or future performance, SParents tend to get it right regarding the crystal ball predictions on the SKid related future because we do not have the ingrained memory wipe of genetics when it comes to spawn drama. We just do not have the never-ending need for selective memory regarding noxious spawn.
If you can't listen, learn, & think, you will have to feel. - WLR
- Meera
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Re: Like Meera, I'm staying out of it (but it's hard)
I would file this away under the "No good deed (in step-world land) goes unpunished."
It's impossible to foresee all the pitfalls of trying to help and support our DH's because like it or not, DH is tied to people with some pretty serious personality problems.
I'm loving midlife - Me+era
- MorningMia
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Re: Like Meera, I'm staying out of it (but it's hard)
It would be really hard for me to keep my mouth shut, and I’m not known for tact. But I think I would ask that SS be included as a driver on the rental. You know he’s going to drive it.
My DH would be jumping out of his skin to spend time with SS. Who would likely have a last-minute change that he HAD to make, so sorry.
Funny, how stepparents can predict the future.
Thanks. As the time nears, I'm going to remind DH that SS doesn't have a car; therefore, he is an uninsured driver. They need to get him on the rental contract and pay for insurance (I'm sure DH will pay). SS is a rule breaker, which is part of the reason no one can stand to be around him. DH has often overlooked that part of SS's personality. It could cost him dearly.
And good luck, DH, spending literally 8 or more hours--a full day--of your so-called decompression vacation driving SS to and from the airport. (You can't make it up.)
Ahhh...the last-minute changes. We know them!
Last edited by MorningMia (1/22/2026 6:51 am)
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
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Thread Starter- MorningMia
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Re: Like Meera, I'm staying out of it (but it's hard)
I would not put SS on the rental agreement and if he takes the car, call it in as stolen.
hahahhahhahahah!
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
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Thread Starter- MorningMia
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Re: Like Meera, I'm staying out of it (but it's hard)
I would file this away under the "No good deed (in step-world land) goes unpunished."
It's impossible to foresee all the pitfalls of trying to help and support our DH's because like it or not, DH is tied to people with some pretty serious personality problems.
You are correct!! I was pushing for DH to spend his vacation with his sister. She loves him. She has a beautiful and comfortable home. No. He "wanted to be alone." So then there's this. Sister -- Score of 100 for kindness; SS - in the negative numbers.
When he mentioned SS is not, as originally planned, going to fly in the same day and fly out the same day, I asked, "So, you're doing two 4-hour round trips to pick him up and take him back?" and I sort of got that annoyed look--that look when you say something sensible to them related to their fantasy of their precious golden spawn. lol. He then says, "Well, I'm going to be driving around a lot doing a lot of sight-seeing, so I'll use that time to explore, too." ohhhh kayyy.
As he has done before with this one, he'll come home from seeing him, from taking him on vacation, and complain about his behavior. I think he's looking for something he will never get from his kids. The bonding, respect, and honesty train left the station a long time ago.
* Just occurred to me: SS gets rewarded for misbehaving in our home (from where he is banned): He gets vacations. This will be at least the third one. I think this is what this is about. Daddy needs to make it up to him that we can't stand him in our home. Otherwise, DH could go see SS at his place, as he does SD.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
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