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1 of 1- NotYourAverageStepMama
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SD Visit
SD went home on Saturday after being with us for 2 weeks. Overall the visit went pretty well despite BM upsetting SD with her "joke" about santa forgetting about her. The day before SD left to go back to BMs I found out that there is this app called Zigazoo which I had never heard about, but basically it is a tiktok for kids. SD told me about it and said how it is only for kids and adults get kicked off it.
Afterwards I did some research and the app claims to be so safe and secure. Well, in less than 10 minutes I was able to make an account for "my child" and skip the need to upload a selfie of me and "my child" so that my account cannot create an videos or post any. After that I have full access to view all these kid's profiles and all of their content. Luckily I am not a pedophile, but it really was not hard at all so if your kids are on that app, just an FYI. Easily found SD and her sister's accounts on there. It looks like BM just lets both children have their phones all day, every day and free to video and post whenever. DH is not saying anything to BM about it because there is nothing in our CO that prevents SD from having an account like that and BM is not going to change anything. Let's just say it is disappointing that BM is allowing the children to act and dress as though they are 16 and not 9 and 11 like they really are.
BM is very clearly dating this new man that we had heard about before the divorce between stepdad and BM was even filed. According to SD this man is just BM's "friend," but BM posted about how he is her love, etc. So basically not really any changes with the visit, same sh!t, different year.
**EDIT: I also forgot when we were just reviewing the questions with SD they were going to ask her at the airport, I asked her what her mom's name was and she said her first name and I said okay and what is her last name? SD goes "I have no idea." ...
Last edited by NotYourAverageStepMama (1/05/2026 4:27 pm)
- Rags
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Re: SD Visit
SD has no idea what her mother's name is. That... is alarming.
As infuriating as it can be for some XHs and SMs for an X to keep the married name following a divorce. It keeps things simple for the SKids. SS did not have an issue with not having the family name that his mom and I shared after we married. He was so young that his name was what it was. Interestingly he did ask me to adopt him when he was 22yo. We made that happen. Also no major isdsue for him other than getting his adoption of the family name updated in his military records and on his uniforms. It has been 10yrs since the adoption was completed. It took 4days from filing to Judge's signature. Adult adoption is just about as seamless as it gets.
We never kept anything a secret from him, and he did not have the instability to deal with that your SD struggles with regarding BM's fluid name and partner situation.
I hope this kid gets some stability.
If you can't listen and learn, you will have to feel. WLR
- notarelative
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Re: SD Visit
Not so surprising that SD does not know her mom’s last name. Women in our society change their name when they marry. Then after a divorce some women keep their married name, others revert to their maiden name. Then BM entered a long term relationship. She may have used that man’s last name socially. Now she’s in another relationship and maybe starting to use an another last name socially. The social last name shuffle happens more than you think. For a kid, it can be hard to keep up. SD may realistically have no idea what BM’s legal last name is.
Last edited by notarelative (1/05/2026 6:27 pm)
- MorningMia
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Re: SD Visit
It's hard to watch bad parenting, even from far away.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.