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- Merry
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I think the ghost of Christmas present or future visited DH
A couple of days ago DH apologized for ruining Christmas for me for all the years we traveled to see his kids. I hated it. We argued every year. A few years ago we made arrangements to fly, but then SD told him she doesn’t want to see him and SS changed his plans so the dates we arranged no longer worked. DH was shocked that I wouldn’t even try to change our tickets. I’d made plans with my nearby family too and refused to change that.
Anyway, it’s been just the two of us for the last few years. Now he wants to “bring back” Christmas for us. Not sure what that looks like, but ok.
We haven’t done decorations or any holiday activities. He’s too sad to help and I’m not going to haul out the stuff, put it up, then take it down and put it away myself. I don’t make light of his depression and I go on with my life, but Christmas season has become a time to avoid traffic and that’s about it.
I have no idea what “bringing back” Christmas means to him, and I told him whatever it is, it does not include spending it with his kids. If he wants to, I’ll gladly drop him at the airport. It also does not mean that I take on all the burden of planning and arranging.
Yesterday he had Christmas music on. Today I played Christmas songs on the piano and he joined me. (We both play, but never together.) That was a blast.
I appreciate his effort. If he can look to a bright future instead of being sad about things that are in his past, that will be a positive outcome. Maybe I’ll hang a fresh wreath. Small steps.
- MorningMia
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Re: I think the ghost of Christmas present or future visited DH
I love this! My DH was a sad sack around the holidays for years. I found it annoying as hell. It was the time of the year for BM to stir up drama and negativity--the time of year for punishing from her and the skids. So DH said he "hated Christmas." But this year, too, DH started getting back into it. He put Christmas candles in all of our windows and lights them every evening, purchased some decorative fake foliage that looks like pine branches with tiny lights, and he made reservations for us to a really nice restaurant in a beautiful historic town for Christmas eve.
We too have had to focus on Christmas season being a time to avoid traffic. A few years ago, we went to Thanksgiving at a relative's house that is normally an hour away and it took us over 3 hours to get home. Times (and traffic) have changed. So, if we don't stay home then we go to an airbnb in the mountains--get there early and leave late.
I really like that your DH apologized and that he wants to "bring back" Christmas! Merry Christmas!
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
- WarMachine13-Mod
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Re: I think the ghost of Christmas present or future visited DH
Hang the wreath.
- Kes
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Re: I think the ghost of Christmas present or future visited DH
You could try doing a minimalist Christmas and see how that goes. By minimalist, I mean a few decorations, and maybe Christmas dinner at a restaurant, so no cooking for you. I am not a big fan of Christmas and we have a small driftwood tree and the Xmas cards. I totally agree with you about not reinstating Xmas with his kids - if he wants to do that, as you say - he can do it alone. Wishing you a peaceful Christmas.
- Merry
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Re: I think the ghost of Christmas present or future visited DH
WarMachine13-Mod wrote:
Hang the wreath.
I did! Two of them!
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Thread Starter- Meera
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Re: I think the ghost of Christmas present or future visited DH
Hang the wreath.
I did! Two of them!
Good for you! The beginning of better times. No need to go backwards.
I'm loving midlife - Me+era
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