Aniki-Moderator wrote:

Thanks for sharing this, Meera! The diablas are awful.

I also like:2. View kindness as an expression of who you are.You are kind because it’s who you are, not because you want someone else’s approval.

Yes, I love this part too. I am a naturally kind person. I am still kind to the diablas in that I don't change who I am when they around and I don't seek revenge. I simply have removed my attention and disengaged from their drama. Then there are whispers that I "don't like them" as if that's a fault? Of course I don't like them, they're awful. 
 

Kes wrote:

Thanks - interesting article.  Reciprocity was mentioned - DH was convinced by his therapist that this is not always necessary in a relationship - well, I'm afraid I disagree.  The other person has to pull, if not equal weight to me - then as near as dammit - or I am not interested in maintaining an active relationship with them any more. 

Kes, I've often said that relationships should be a balance of give and take. (One exception to this is a person acting as caretaker, like when my Dad cared for my Mom due to Alzheimers.) 50/50 is nice, but not always possible. It can be 40/60, 70/30, 47/53, 90/10. Partners go through things and are not always capable of giving more. When Mr Aniki had shoulder surgery, I gave more. When I had surgery, Mr Aniki gave more. But we balance it out. Once a relationship is a constant 100% effort for one person, there is no relationship. Friendships fall under that, too. If you're doing all of the work to maintain a friendship, it's no longer a friendship. 
.