Welcome!!!
October fun facts
https://www.almanac.com/content/month-october-holidays-fun-facts-folklore
#cc6600
1 of 1- NotYourAverageStepMama
- Member
Offline
Parent Teacher Conference
This year SD's teacher did separate conferences for BM and DH. DH had reached out weeks in advance with his availability and telling her teacher he hoped if his and BM's availability did not line up that something could work out. SD's teacher reached out the week before conferences saying when BM's was and giving 2 time slots for a different date/time that fit into DH's availability. Bonus points to SD's teacher for that! The conference went well in the aspect that it seems SD's teacher actually thinks SD is capable of more than the D's and F's she received on her report card, but SD has a negative attitude about trying and school in general. So for once SD's teacher feels the same way DH and I do which is refreshing. In summary, SD does not put forth her best effort, lacks motivation, rushes, does not try, etc.
Her teacher asked if we have witnessed the same issues with SD which DH explained that we definitely have if the behavior is allowed to slide. I asked if there was something she thought of that could help motivate SD and then she asked the question back to us because she was unsure. We had a video chat with SD this weekend and when DH asked like he always does about how school is she word vomited with excuses, justifications, and complaints about what SD's teacher had said. I guess BM brought it up to SD so that is a first. In her complaining though, there was something specific SD complained about not being able to be a part of so DH passed that information along to her teacher and perhaps the teacher can use being able to participate as motivation to get SD to try.
But basically SD is continuing to do the same behavior at school as previous years. There is no reason SD should be spending less than 3 minutes on a 10 question test like her teacher said especially when she is getting every question wrong so clearly she is just guessing.
- ESMOD
- Member
Offline
Re: Parent Teacher Conference
This is tough.. your husband is just not able to do all that much from a distance.. and I recall the judge prioritized keeping the siblings together when you decided to relocate.
I don't know if it would be worth pursuing a possible change of custody given her repeated poor school performance..
or.. have you considered relocating again so he could be closer to her and be more of a regular influence?
It doesn't seem her mom is able.. or willing to do the work with her to keep her on track.. very frustrating situation.. and the girl will suffer for all these missed skills.. she is going to have a harder and harder time keeping up in school.
- NotYourAverageStepMama
- Member
Offline
Re: Parent Teacher Conference
ESMOD wrote:
This is tough.. your husband is just not able to do all that much from a distance.. and I recall the judge prioritized keeping the siblings together when you decided to relocate.
BM and DH both wanting to relocate from the state we were all in wasn't even in the discussion when the judge said he wouldn't separate the sisters just was his reasoning of BM being the primary parent instead of DH.
There are many reasons of why we would not move to the state BM relocated to. She is currently dating someone who is surprise in the military so if she marries him, won't be staying in that state anyway. He also lives in a neighboring state and BM has alluded to possibly being there instead so she is not locked in to where she is.
When we met with an attorney less than a year ago, he did not feel like the education part is not enough to get a judge to flip custody. We don't have the money right now to take a chance like that if lawyers do not think we have enough of a case unfortunately.
So we just try to do the best we can as things are.
- •
Thread Starter- StandingStrong
- Member
Offline
Re: Parent Teacher Conference
Ugh. Sorry to hear this. It's so unfortunate and unfair for the child. Your husband's hands are literally tied. You two are doing everything possible to stay involved in SDs education but with very limited ability. As ESMOD said, she's going to really struggle in the future by not getting these foundational principles set.
My only advice is to stay as involved as you can without destroying yourselves. I'm dumbfounded that education deficiencies with one parent does not warrant a custody change. But that's the court system. Do what you can...it's all you can do. So sorry for you having to go through this.
- MorningMia
- Member
Offline
Re: Parent Teacher Conference
I feel for you all--and for SD. This is a tough situation. When DH & BM split, BM ran off to another state with her boyfriend and the skids. DH then moved 3 hours away from their original home. When BF & BM broke up, BM returned, so DH was still 3 hours away. Then BM moved so that their distance grew to an 8 hour drive and an awkward plane ride away. Then she told the skids that DH abandoned them. But I digress. Sorry.
During our many discussions in the past, DH has said that the difference between my situation (my parents were divorced) and his kids' situation is that the more stable parent (my father) remained a physical presence in our lives. DH feels like it was nearly an impossible situation to have a true impact or influence on his kids' lives simply because of the geographical distance. It is a terribly difficult position to be in--much too easy for important happenings to be kept secret and lies to be told.
I know you all are doing you best. Keep at it!
Last edited by MorningMia (10/15/2025 6:17 am)
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.